Are you a boy or a man in your marriage?

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Photo by Anne Edgar on Unsplash

A wife who is truly loved by her husband is beautiful.

She is beautiful because she radiates confidence in herself. The countenance on her face shows the character of her husband, the words he uses around her, the way that they resolve differences, the small actions of love he deposits everyday and the way that he treats her behind closed doors.

A beautiful wife is creatively free to explore her greatest ideas, her heavenly hopes and wildest dreams.

She is able to do this because:

She’s married to man and not a boy.

A man who is mastering the art of touching her reassuringly without expectation, giving her encouragement without an agenda, serving his family and not checking out in tiredness and understanding her point of view and not seeking to always win an argument.

Is this man a pushover?

Definitely not.

Does her personality loom large to dominate him?


But instead they’ve mastering the slow-dance of love. Serving each other and living not out of fear of repercussion or angering each other, but in a relationship where causing pain and offense to one another, weighs heavily on their hearts.

In a marriage grounded in selfless love, both husband and wife shudder at the thought of causing pain and hurt to one they love, rather than focussing on the repercussions of their actions.

A man doesn’t tip toe around the boundaries of his wife’s trust. This is because he is concerned more about the pain his actions would bring to her heart and the vulnerability she’d experience in being fearful and exposed.

A boy is self obsessed and self-absorbed, concerned only about the consequences of his actions and not getting caught and the impact on HIS life.

A man lives to continually learn and discover who his wife is. The wonder of marriage is that this happens mostly together but in the true nature of men, this usually occurs through the pain of offense, but the beauty of grace in a marriage is apology, forgiveness and re-establishing trust.

It is foolishness, living only in the heart of a boy, to believe that he has figured out a woman. That he knows how to buy her affection, tell her how and what to think and believe he has nothing to learn from her.

Foolishness, utter foolishness.

This is because a wife who is loved selflessly, feels safe within her marriage to express herself and is respected deeply by her husband, is a source of rich wisdom for those around her.

Cherished, valued, prized, beautiful…

Photo by Zoriana Stakhniv on Unsplash

Together a man and wife are a powerful partnership, their actions additive and their impact, life-changing.

The vehicle of marriage is never to be discounted but to be held in the highest regard, its sacredness never fading.

Boys exist to play games, get offended easily, selfishly expect service and to taunt and tease.

We are all born as boys, but as our bodies mature, have we become men?

We owe this to our wives but more importantly to the women in our world.

Be a man.

Live intentionally.

Love relentlessly.

Enjoy your health and your beautiful wife!

p/s I am the boy in the description, becoming a man by God’s grace.

Call to Action

As we enter into 2018, spend time in self-reflection with these needs, perhaps find another man of integrity and be accountable to him about your hopes, struggles and dreams to be a better man.

Please subscribed to The Healthy GP to hear more from me.

Dr Jonathan Ramachenderan


UNCOMMEN Husbands devotional available on YouVersion


1 comments on “Are you a boy or a man in your marriage?”

  1. i LOVE LOVE LOVE this, must make it a daily reading habit or print it out as it makes me smile knowing how you’ve grown in our relationship from a boy into a man, a wise one indeed.


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