Compared to my last 4200-word post, this piece will be short.
Also, Kylie doesn’t like me writing for hours in my office on our special days and today is one that we will be celebrating! Our 16th wedding anniversary.
I wasn’t sure if and what I was going to write about but then like penetrating truth which only God can reveal, it hit me.
Yesterday our two older sons conspired together and stealthily moved through the house, trying to avoid eye-contact with us.
“They’re up to something”, Kylie said untroubled by their strange behaviour. “It’s okay, I think they are organising something for tomorrow”, she reassured me.
Then excitedly this morning, Samuel (10) and Hunter (7), presented Kylie and me with a card and present for our 16th wedding anniversary.
I was blown away!
In this case, it is the thought that absolutely counts.
Why would both our boys take their time to write a card and make such a sentimental gift for us on our wedding anniversary?
See I think the answer lies in what they have seen modelled for them each day and through the years of watching us, they know our wedding anniversary is something that means the world to us!
And why is that? Well….
They’ve seen Kylie and I take intentional holidays without them to celebrate our love and friendship.
They’ve seen Kylie and I go out on dates when we have our most-cherished parent baby sitters in town!
They’ve seen Kylie and I laugh and joke with each other, spend time alone drinking coffee, talking and praying together.
They’ve seen Kylie and I have disagreements and arguments publicly but then makeup and say sorry to each other.
They’ve seen Kylie and I love each other intentionally in the still small moments of life— hugging and kissing for no reason other than to say “I love you and I’m here”.
They’ve seen Kylie and I handle the difficult moments in life together as a couple. Administrate life and earn a living as a team but then come together to play and enjoy our lives as best friends.
There is a cute moment in our home in this season where if the boys catch us hugging or kissing, Samuel will embarrassingly say “romance!” and look away. Hunter will come over and join the hug and Benjamin (4) will also join in depending on how he is feeling.
I’m absolutely convinced that the best lessons for our children to learn about true love in marriage are seen in the seemingly boring moments of our lives as the best lessons are observed and not simply taught.
I write these words not to boast but in deep thankfulness and in overwhelming love to my God who got my attention 10 years ago.
There was dysfunction and unforgiveness in the way I lived with Kylie. But as God entered our marriage — he started to soften my heart which allowed me to repair the way that I treated and loved my wife.
Being vulnerable and opening my heart was one of the most difficult things that I have done but it has allowed me to experience the heights of intimacy, the depths of love and experience a peace that transcends all understanding.
It became less about the type of marriage I wanted and completely more about the man God wanted me to be in my marriage.
That is the destination that leads to beautiful moments — becoming the person that God wants you to be.
Seeing the wonderful gifts that our sons made for us this morning was the fruit of what Kylie and I are slowly building — a marriage founded on the radical love and gift of grace from our Father in heaven.
I am the Vine, you are the branches. When you’re joined with me and I with you, the relation intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be abundant.
Separated, you can’t produce a thing.
John 15:5–6 (Passion translation)
I am praying that the legacy and celebration of our marriage will be an abundant harvest of Ramachenderan men, married to remarkable women who make a difference in the world.
Open your heart and allow it to softened. Forgive if you need to. Repair what is broken. Hold on. Nothing is impossible.
My prayer for 2020 is that it would be a year of celebration and abundance and of being secretly incredible.
Happy Anniversary Kylie — I finished writing this as you took the boys to swimming lessons and went shopping. I love you.
Enjoy your health!
Dr. Jonathan Ramachenderan