Imagine losing your house, the place that you purchased with pride and so meticulously maintained.
Picture yourself facing the innocent faces of your children, searching for the words to explain your explicit behaviour.
Look at your prized possessions, the toys that brought you such pleasure to use and connect with your inner child-like freedom.
Now turn your eyes to your wife.
Your bride, whom was filled with joy and expectation on your wedding day.
Her beauty sent shivers through your body and made your stomach leap with excitement and expectation.
You’d never seen her look so beautiful before.
The curves of her body transfixed your gaze.
This was her day.
Together it was your declaration to the world.
A covenant before the Almighty.
Feel the turmoil and torment of breaking that promise.
The moment it happened.
The thrill it brought to your innermost being, but the immense destruction that occurred.
Now, look at your wife.
All your dreams and blessing in one from above, for you to have and to hold.
The great intangible of trust evaporated in seconds.
Never let this happen.
Stay far, far away and run hard until your breath has left you.
Wise men met build circles of protection around their lives.
They’ve pictured this inexplicable disaster.
It broke their heart and destroyed their vision of a thriving passionate love affair with their beloved.
They never wanted to ever encounter such a disturbing experience and vowed to build circles of protection around their marriage.
Adultery is soul imploding and the evil goal of the destroyer.
Who seeks to steal, kill and destroy.
Shame lies in the dark, fed by secrecy and silence.
Shine light and grow trust, the great intangible of marriage.
The great intangible of marriage — Trust
Your greatest protection in marriage is a growing intimacy that is built on trust.
Deep trust draws you together daily in openness and transparency, leaving no secrecy and hidden truths between you.
Blown and buffeted by the storms of life, these actions repeated over time grow deep roots that are the foundation of a thriving marriage.
Trust grows as it is tested by the temptations of life
Trust is built as its nurtured everyday
Trust is destroyed by secrecy and silence
From the immaturity of the first year of marriage to the refined dance of forty year veterans, trust engenders confidence, reliable affection and the stunning personal growth of both partners.
Use trust to build something magnificent
Marriage is one of the greatest vehicles for two people to affect change in the world.
Through the legacy of children, to the shared passion of making a difference, marriage stands as the greatest, most beautiful and impactful of all human connections.
Men. Look carefully at your wife.
Study your heart, your affections and seemingly fleeting thoughts.
“Control your sexual urges and guard your heart from lust
Do not let your passions get out of hand
and don’t lock eyes onto a beautiful woman
Why would you want to even get close
to temptation and seduction,
to have an affair with her?”
Proverbs 7:25 (Passion translation)
Trust builds when you hold your wife with esteem, in the company of others and especially privately.
This is where integrity is founded.
But by far the greatest way to grow trust in your marriage is through living an open-book life.
It is acknowledging the sexual temptation exists everywhere you go and being intentional about building circles of protection around yourself.
At the gym
At your workplace, trips interstate and overseas
At after hours drinks at your favourite pub or rooftop bar
The content you look at on your phone
The streaming TV you consume
The internet and the sites you visit when no one is looking
Move forward protected, purposed and accountable
An affair starts with your eyes before it ever begins physically.
When you lie in the shame and regret cycle of your actions, it feeds evil and continues to occur.
The antidote to that shame is openness, light and empathy.
Men, look within your circle of friends and connections.
Find a veteran of marriage,
One who esteems his wife with every chance.
Whose eye’s convey commitment and passion to the woman he promised to share his life with.
One whose life is the product of wise decisions in partnership with his wife.
One who lives an open-book life, rich with integrity and full of thanksgiving.
Mentorship and men
Men all need mentors and personal accountability partners, whom we can walk the journey of life with and share our weaknesses and greatest fears.
Men who will challenge us and rejoice in our victories and provide empathy and encourage us in our valley of despair.
But most importantly, call out the wrong and hold us accountable to our promises and living a life of integrity.
Building a circle of protection around your marriage ensures that danger and evil have no chance to penetrate into your life.
You don’t suddenly wake up in adultery or in another woman’s embrace.
You don’t suddenly end up on pornographic websites.
It is a choice,
A decision made each day.
A series of steps, in the wrong direction.
To allow danger past the stronghold of your marriage vows and trust
Stop, turn around and walk away.
It will save your life and ensure wealth, honour and life.
Surround yourself with men of integrity. Find a few who you can share your struggles with, it could save your marriage.
Men are wild at heart, hungry for adventure!
The heart of a man is filled with adventure from the time he’s born to the day he dies.
But don’t let that adventure take you on a path away from integrity.
Build circles of protection around your life, for the path of the blameless man, will bring honour, prosperity and protection to his family.
Call to action
Share this article with a trusted friend. Meet and perhaps start an accountability partnership, sharing your thoughts and sitting in silence together.
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Live ever intentionally
Love always relentlessly
Enjoy your health and build it daily
Dr Jonathan Ramachenderan @thehealthygp